My testimony

As part of our equipping for Christmas, we've been encouraged to dust off our testimonies as to how we came to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour. I feel it's important at this stage to emphasise that there is a difference between finding out who Jesus is, and accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour. I'll make this plain in the testimony that follows.

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I have always thought of myself as a "good person" and have worked hard to live up to those expectations of myself, in my personal ethics, and my work (and when I was a student, my studies). As a child, I was a manic perfectionist. Those of you who are parents of school going kids probably yell at your kids (as I sometimes find myself doing) to do their homework conscientiously. As a kid, one abiding memory of my homework regime was relentlessly ploughing through assessment book after assessment book, refusing to stop until I had got at least one whole paper absolutely 100% correct, or until my Mum begged me to STOP! It's true.

I knew about Jesus, especially as I got older, as I started attending church, but I really didn't understand how Jesus could have an impact on life outside Sunday, or beyond giving divine assistance in things like health or doing well at school (not to say that these aren't important). But at the core of things, I relied on myself, trusting in my own unstinting effort above all else. When things didn't go my way, or if I failed to live up to my own expectations of myself as a "good person", I would be become even more introspective and self-critical. I'm sure many of us have felt the same way.

A turning point came in University, when I met an old junior college friend who hadn't had to do National Service as he was Malaysian. I knew that in junior college, he was not a believer, but that he had come to know Christ in University. He seemed transformed from the person he was in junior college. He somehow had an inner peace, security and joy that almost radiated from his face. I was intrigued enough to join him at a varsity christian meeting, and there, I heard the reading from the Bible in the book of Revelation 3:15-16

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Right there and then, I knew that God was speaking to me. I was neither hot nor cold for God, and because I was lukewarm, he would spit me out of his mouth! Some might see this as a Christian "scare tactic". But I genuinely felt that this was a loving rebuke. And so I decided that Jesus would not only be God, but Lord, having sovereignty over my life.

After I decided that Jesus would be Lord, I found that there were two key, and connected benefits. First, for the first time, I had great serenity. I now know and understand that whatever happens, in good circumstances or the absolute worst (and for those of you who know me or diligently read this blog, you will know that there certainly have been some of the latter), God always works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Knowing that God is always, completely in charge has given me freedom from my natural manic, self-reliant, perfectionist self, and from the sorrows that this world can bring. The single-syllable word "peace" almost doesn't do justice to the feeling of security in God. It truly is "serenity".

Second, I now have a great sense of purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Today, in everything I do, from the time I spend at work, to the time with my family, to the time with my friends in church or other old friends, to acts of kindness for the needy, I understand that the reason why I do it, is because He has prepared it for me to do. This sense of purpose permeates my whole life and really gives direction and purpose to everything I do.
For the abovementioned reasons, Romans 8:28 and Ephesians 2:10 are two of my very favourite verses. Today, I pray that the core of salvation - John 3:16 - will also be a blessing to you as you read this.

"For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have ever lasting life."

I don't have a dramatic conversion story. It's not like I was living a life of debauchery before He rescued me. The truth is, many of us consider ourselves decent people. But God has more for us than to be merely decent. The question is, are we prepared to admit that being merely decent is not enough? Let me be plain - life in this troubled world has not been, and will never be a bed of roses, even after accepting Jesus, but certainly for me, the reward for knowing Him has been wonderful serenity and purpose.

May He visit you with these same immeasurable gifts!

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