If you cannot, you must can

It is a rite of passage, so they say, for every Singaporean son to turn up at one of the remoter ends of our island home, sometime from 19 years old onwards, minus most of their hair, and run around in green (or possibly blue or grey) for 2 years.

As the old marching song goes: 

Training to be soldiers! Fight for our land

Once in our lives, two years of our time

Have you ever wondered? Why must we serve?

Because we love our land. And want it to be free, to be free, yah!

It's difficult to say that National Service ("NS") is enjoyable, especially in those moments when you're deep in the mud, mosquitoes swirling, eyes drooping from lack of sleep (or let's face it, occasionally, from boredom due to some inexplicable delay or other). 

But it's fair to say that for a reasonably large proportion of Singaporeans, including myself, NS was very satisfying. So why is it that some end up complaining that it's a waste of time?

My son is going through NS right now. And it's been fascinating to walk this journey with him.

According to us, there are two ways of progressing through NS. Mandatory character development, or voluntary character development. Well, I guess there's a third way. No character development.

Mandatory character development occurs when it is imposed upon you. What do I mean? Well, here are some anecdotes.

During the initial phase of basic military training, the boys are all bunked in one room (or sometimes huddled under bashas!). Despite the best efforts of their commanders and area cleaning, you know, realistically, how clean is a bunch of tired 19-year-old boys tramping around in the jungle really going to be? 

Hence, the notorious "Tekong flu", whereby one boy catches a bug, then transmits it from one boy to the next, and is just about to get well, only for the now-strengthened iteration of the bug to make its round back to him! 

So my boy went through essentially all of his Basic Military Training with a cough that ranged from "hmm, that doesn't sound good" to "whoa, stay away from me dude!" :D

But. Life goes on.

You still gotta clear the obstacle course. You still gotta pass the fitness test. You still gotta get through the route marches. You still gotta survive field camp. 

What are you going to do? Report sick for 8 weeks in a row because you have a stubborn cough? 

Now, I'm not saying, don't report sick. Please. Report sick. But the reality is, you can't keep reporting sick and sometimes you just gotta get through it.

As they (sometimes) say in the Army. If you cannot... you must can.

A bit under the weather? You must can.

Blisters even before route march starts? You must can.

Tired and no sleep? You must can.

Discouraged? You must can.

What if you cannot?

You still must can.

If really cannot? That's where your brothers in arms are supposed to gather around you, and walk with you until you can. 

It's not all physical. It's often mental, and I don't even mean the type where you tell yourself you can go faster.

One boy needed to relieve himself at field camp, went to the field toilet (ok basically just a pit), and concluded, looking at the erm, mess, "I just can't!!!" and turned back.

Two hours later, he was back. You must can. :D

As my son explained to me - this is all mandatory character development. Ah Boys become Men. 

They build resilience, determination, teamwork. They think they can't. They realise, I can. 

And hopefully it persists for the rest of their lives after NS. Mosquitoes, mud, rain, poop. Meh. I must "can". And even more than that, I help my brothers "can".

Some boys get mandatory character development imposed on them for longer. They get sent to Specialist Command School, or Officer Cadet School, or to the Guards or Commandos or Naval Divers or whatever. They get molded by their circumstances. Hopefully, most of them come out stronger, more able to "can", and help others "can".

But that isn't the story for every NS boy. Some get easier postings, some even in air-conditioned offices.

What then? 

Well, voluntary character development. Got time? Do something with it. In one sense, having an easy life is "harder" - you've got to learn how to impose discipline and challenge on yourself. 

Read a book. Learn a new skill - driving, music, investment, whatever. Do you get to book out? Volunteer your nights for a cause. No physical training? Train on your own. Waiting around with nothing to do? Reach out to the fellow next to you.

The truth is, for most Singaporeans, a lot of life after NS is going to look like that. No one is going to force us to do anything. No one is going to impose mandatory character development on us. We are our own training plan, and it's the only one we're going to get.

At various stages of life, one can either sleepwalk through it, or make something of it.

It's not so easy to sleepwalk through school - Asian tiger parents and teachers usually mean that kids end up being harangued into making at least some modicum of effort to study hard for exams, train hard for CCAs etc.

But this evolves as we grow through teenhood and certainly when we become adults. For example, after the initial training period, and depending on your posting, some chunks of NS can be fairly slow-moving. You can complain about it. Or you can tell yourself, you must can. Then make something of that time.

It's the same for many other parts of life. There will be some times in our careers when it seems we're coasting. Maybe the job has light duties. Maybe we've become so competent at our tasks that we don't have to go 100%. The mandatory character development phase has stalled.

We can choose to glide on. Or we can tell ourselves, we must can. Painfully and voluntarily tear up the old way and re-make it, 5%, 10%, 20%, 30% better. Learn a new skill. Lobby for a new role. 

There will be times when we've fallen into a well worn pattern as spouse, parent or caregiver. We can choose to accept the same old inadequacies. No one will force us. 

But we can rouse ourselves. I can become a more patient husband. I can reset my relationship with my teenager. I can more enthusiastically show my love to my parents. There will still be times when I run into a wall and feel I can't. I will pick myself up. I can.

Our spiritual walk may also become blase. Token prayers. Flipping casually through the Bible. Even if we're serving, it may become routine. We've forgotten the wonder of knowing God, and experiencing His power in our lives. 

The apostle Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5:14 "Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you!" 

And the best part is, when it comes to our spiritual walk, we don't have to do it alone. God intended the faith journey to be undertaken in community, with friends, cell groups and churches. Together, we spur each other on to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).

I'm so thankful for the lessons of NS that my son has reminded me of, and so I share some of them with you (and for me to remember in future!). 

It's been a long time since I've sat around a table, laughing with fellow Singaporean sons about our NS lives. It's kinda neat that now I have my own Singaporean son to relive, and even more importantly, *revive*, those lessons! We can!