Happy Valentine's Day!

So it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, but my wife and I almost never celebrate Valentine's Day. I vaguely remember one or two occasions very early on when I bought flowers and immediately got feedback that this was a waste of time haha! 

In the parlance of Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages, my wife both shows and receives love through acts of service. She buys groceries, makes meals for the family, and cleans up after us. This is all on top of her being a full-time working mum. 

Equally, she appreciates it most when we hang out and fold the laundry, wash the dishes and throw out the trash, and gets most irritated when we leave stuff undone.

For me, I like to give and receive words of affirmation. I like to praise my wife and kids, both privately and in front of others, and my biggest romantic gestures have been to write songs about my wife, from our wedding day to our 20th anniversary. I like to receive affirmation from my wife and kids too. I feel saddest when I hear from them that I've let them down.

So over the years, we've learned to speak each other's language a little better. I try to not just talk, but do. She tries to not just do, but praise. After all, communication is not just about getting our message out, but getting our message received, which means it matters how the receiver likes to receive it, and not just how I like to send it out.

I first realised that I loved my wife when we were studying in university. She'd asked for help in some subjects, a few of which I didn't even take. So I read up on those subjects myself, and spent day after day studying with her in the library or going to her home to work.

We'd constantly pray together that she would get the results she needed. We prayed so hard for "B"s that one day, God answered with a massive swarm of bees that absolutely blanketed the tree in front of her house, causing us to panic and call for the exterminator!

My wife often says that my choosing to study with her everyday, even on subjects I didn't take, is the reason why she knew I was the one for her :D Which makes sense - this was my service to her. If I had known that then, I would have spent less time agonizing over romantic things to say, and more time just studying!

While my wife might already have realised I loved her, I didn't quite realise it myself till it was the day to collect the final graduation results. We walked up that long hill to the faculty notice boards, continuing to pray for good results for her (it's funny now in the age of data privacy, but those days, everybody's final results were literally posted on a notice board for everyone else to see!). 

When we got there, I squeezed my way through the crowd of anxious students to the board and scanned for her name. I found her name, and hallelujah! She'd done it! I ran over to her, yelling, you did it! You did it! I remember I gave her a big hug, feeling thrilled about the whole thing. Then she asked me, what did you get? 

And I realised - I didn't know. I hadn't bothered to check. And at that moment, I realised. Oh, this is love. She matters more to me than me. All my selfish life, I don't think it'd ever really happened before (though since then I hope I've learned to love my kids, parents, friends and others too!).

Anyway, I then ran back to the board, and phew I had made it too, though by the skin of my teeth :D

So here we are, more than 22 years later, and in this Valentine's Day post, here I am again, using words of affirmation to say, I love you more than that day in front of the exam notice board.

Thanks for declining to get together as a couple at first, and insisting that I sort out my relationship with God. God had to be number one, anything else was second. 

It took quite a while for my stubborn heart to listen, but you never wavered until I figured out that God really is all I need. You made me learn that I must be complete in God, even without you; and in the end, that has made being together with you even fuller, because we are two complete people able to give to each other, and not two incomplete people needing to take from each other.

Thanks for loving me and our kids and my parents. Your example spurs me to be better, and your "I believe in you!" gives me courage to do hard things.

Thanks for trusting my fathering ideas (including the idea in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that basically said, "don't worry, take your time to get to the hospital, the longer the mother is moving around, the smoother the delivery". Yeah, so smooth, D nearly popped out in the car :D)

Thanks for understanding when I have to pull all-nighters at work. But thanks also for reminding me that repeated all-nighters are not actually an acceptable lifestyle. 

Thanks for administering all our bank accounts, tax filings, credit card payments and all the other Zzzzz stuff :D

Thanks for picking up running as a hobby so we can spend more time together, exploring the glorious trails and views in Singapore and even around the world. 

Thanks for learning to support Liverpool, including sitting in zero degree weather on the Kop, being hugged by strangers, on your actual birthday :D

Thanks for being willing to have the whole family dragged to repeated toilet-less mission trips. Thanks for keeping me close to God, by pricking my pride whenever my head swells.

But I know acts of service are what count to you, and make you happy, so here I am too, deciding to end all this talk and hang out the laundry.

So, I guess, we do celebrate Valentine's Day after all :)

Happy Valentine's Day!