One of the most interesting lessons I learned in the years I spent as a trial lawyer, was to pick my battles. Sometimes, the judge is with you on some points, and not on others. Good lawyers, whether at trial or when arguing an appeal, identify where the judge stands, pick the most advantageous battleground, and secure the win where the judge is on their side. But just as important is the more subtle skill of knowing where NOT to fight. Test the boundaries where the judge is against you, to see if there are ways around the issue, and then wisely retreat as required, instead of banging heads against the wall in futility, because if you frustrate the judge with unbending stubbornness, even your strong points get diluted.
But real life is not entirely like the courtroom. The courtroom is a transactional arena of very binary consequences - win or lose; and within a constrained timeframe - the period of the trial or appeal, which in some cases, can be over in a matter of hours or even minutes. Real life, on the other hand, is often more complex. Each day's work leads to another, the impact of a day's work affects the rest of the month, and bleeds into consequences that last for years.
For this reason, choosing our lives' battlegrounds,
and sticking to it, can often be a more rewarding strategy than it is in the courtroom. If I back away or lose a case, I just move on to the next case. There's a convenient reset button. But if I back away from what I need to do for life, then this can have consequences weeks, months and years later on.
At a lunch recently, I was sharing advice with some younger friends who asked how to deal with a boss who wants you to do something you don't believe is right. And one thing you can do in life, which you can't always do in the courtroom, is to stick to your principles. Ah, but I hear you say, how can I disagree with my boss? Isn't it the same as in the courtroom with the judge?
So here's a little lifehack. You know, most people want to do the right thing, or at least be seen to be doing the right thing. Because at heart, few people enjoy embracing the identity of being a villain. So let's say your colleague asks you to do something that is morally ambiguous. Most people won't tell you outright to misbehave, because they don't want to be the bad guy. They want
you to be the bad guy. So what do they do? They try to get you to change your mind, and decide to do the bad guy thing. You're thinking, oh man I'm in trouble now, they'll think I'm a wet blanket, or not a "team player". I guess I'll rationalise something to make him happy. Like it or not, this sets the pattern for compromise for the next week's battle, and eventually the years ahead.
But really, you have the power of influence here. Because your colleague wants
you to make the decision. Arguing right there and then sometimes doesn't work. There's a face issue involved. So here's a tip. Unlike a courtroom, you can do this - just walk away. Tell your colleague, I'll think about it.
Then go back to him after a while, show you've thought about it, and say, I've thought about it. Maybe you've thought of a different way to achieve a positive result, in which case, great. But if not, come back and say I'm sticking to this; I'm choosing to do the right thing. Then if your colleague is someone worth working with or for,
he will be influenced by
you. Your courage has given him courage to do the right thing, and both of you come out right. So try it. No need to argue. Just step away. Come back later. Still no luck? Repeat. Go away, come back. Let's see who can wear down whom. Trust that the right thing will eventually inspire the right decision.
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating stubbornness for its own sake. Quite a lot of the time, your boss is cleverer and more experienced than you, and actually correct. Presumably that's why he's boss and makes the decisions. It's integrity I'm talking about. No amount of cleverness or experience should persuade you to surrender your integrity. Instead, give your colleagues the chance to be inspired by you to do the right thing.
The Bible has an interesting parable that is on point. Luke 11:5-8 describes how a man turns up at his friend's house in the middle of the night to ask for some food. The friend says, are you kidding, go away. But the man persists, and finally the friend relents and does the right thing and gives the man what he needs. And it is in this context that Jesus famously concludes in verses 9 "So I say to you: ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you".
What's the alternative to fighting for what's right? When I choose to give in, I'm not merely giving up on my own battle, I'm actually choosing to fight
someone else's battle. Bill Johnson puts it really aptly when he says, "When you avoid the war you were born for, you'll enter into a war you have no grace for."
Think about that. When you avoid the war you were born for, you'll enter into a war you have no grace for.
What battle are you fighting today? Is it the one that God has designed for you? Do you have a colleague asking you to do something not quite right? Are you chasing a career or your own goals at the expense of your family? At the expense of walking closely with God? Are you choosing to battle for the things of the world, and what other people expect of you? Are you entering a war you have no grace for? A war you'll lose? Why don't you choose one you've been designed to win? Let's choose our battles well!
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