Mid-life... crisis? What crisis?

As I creep inexorably through my 40s, the signs of (finally) growing up become ever clearer.  More and more of my friends start talking about what life is really about.  There is a kind of deep-set dissatisfaction - a feeling of "there must be more than this". 

And as we wrestle uncomfortably with that reality, we start wondering if the problem is our job - are we in the right line?  Our spouses - did we marry the right person?  Our children - did we bring them up right?  Our hobbies and possessions - should we take up something new?  Perhaps a new or bigger house or car?  There is, somehow, a hole in our lives that we yearn to fill with something of meaning, or if not, at least something fresh and interesting, until that fresh new thing becomes stale again.

I recently heard from a guy who helps out with problem gamblers - like people struggling with a mid-life crisis, he explained that these problem gamblers constantly search for excitement, and that the more they gamble, the higher the threshold of excitement that needs to be crossed, and this eventually leads to an empty spiral into addiction. 

To address this, he needs to provide them with three things - Accountability, Community and Empowerment.  Accountability, in the sense of having someone, who has gone through the same problem, look out and stop you when you're about to fall off the wagon.  Community, in the sense of having people who understand you and care for you, so that you can trust them enough to let them intervene in your life.  Empowerment, to keep you going when the going gets tough. 

This last element of Empowerment was most interesting.  When a new problem gambler turns up asking for help, he is asked "why are you here?", to which the most common answer is "so that you can help me stop gambling".  And to which the problem gambler is corrected "no, no.  You're not here so you can stop gambling.  You're here so you can help someone else stop gambling."  Then suddenly a light bulb switches on over their heads, and they find they are not victims, but empowered.

I have realised that when I do things for myself, I run out of motivation real fast.  Going to the gym is a great example.  But when I realise I am doing something for someone else... then I can keep going.  That's why so many parents can go to great extents for their children.  That's why it's easier to discipline ourselves to work out when we have a partner.  We know we're there not just for us, but someone else. 

In the end, it's not about Possessions or Progression.  These things seem exciting at first, but quickly grow stale.  It's about People.  But, you say, people are so terrible - ungrateful, obnoxious.  Even our children - one day they will grow up and won't need us as much as they do now.

Yet nothing will fill our lives like People.  Do you know why?  The Bible records that God understood that man needed fellowship, that "it was not good for the man to be alone", so He created woman.  But even more fundamentally, God made man, so that He, God Himself, could have fellowship with Him, and walk with Him.  God made man in His very own image - able to choose, able to create, so that we could have intelligent fellowship. 

Our yearning for fellowship and people is a mirror of the Great Fellowship with God that God designed us for.  This is why the Bible explains that the first and greatest command is to love the Lord our God with all our strength, mind and soul, and that the second command is like the first -  to love our neighbour as ourselves.  There is, in the end, a God-shaped hole in everyone's heart, that only He can fill.

So if we find ourselves thinking that maybe wer're in a mid-life crisis?  The answer is not Possessions or Progression.  It is People - and the Person who made it all.

I am blessed to have a family - both family by blood, and the larger family in the community of believers.  We hang out together, share our concerns with each other, pray for each other, instruct each other, serve each other, serve others alongside each other, laugh together, eat together, mourn together, through all the ups and downs, the quarrels, the illnesses, the rescues, the victories.  Over the years we have seen lives come into this family, and really get transformed, from meaningless hamster-running-in-a-wheel lives to purposeful I-have-fought-the-good-fight lives.

Because there is a God-shaped hole in our hearts.  And when I let Him in, life is... complete.

Revelation 3:20
Here I am! I [Jesus] stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Hebrews 10:25
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up on meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

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