One man, one woman, for life!
I recall once reading about an argument as to who’s the real man. Some think it’s the guy who satisfies 10 different women in a week. But really, don’t you think it’s the guy who has met the much much tougher challenge of keeping the same woman satisfied her whole life?
As we head into Mother’s Day weekend, I’m reminded to be grateful for my amazing wife. I’ve often been asked by younger friends or colleagues, how do you know when it’s the right person? Whatever love songs may say (Christina Perri’s A Thousand Years comes to mind!) the only honest answer is that no one can be sure. But what everyone certainly can do, is to make up our mind that it is the right person. That’s the whole point of marriage. It’s saying that no matter what, even if I can’t know for sure that you are the right person, even if I get upset in future that you don’t seem to be the right person, even if you never ever change the habits I don’t like now and the habits I haven’t even found out about, I’ve positively decided that you are in fact the right person, and always will be.
The man who can say this to his girl – you are the one and always will be - is a guy with real courage, a real man. He’s giving a blank cheque. So the question “am I ready?” really means “am I a real man?”. And the question “am I a real man?” can be answered by “do you want to be?”. Because literally everyone can do it, just like anyone can step off a diving board. It’s not a question of ability or circumstance. It simply boils down to daring to make a promise you’ll keep.
But why would anyone even want to dare to issue this commitment? For Christians, it’s a moral obligation, but much more than that, we believe that keeping promises and walking in obedience to God is always the best place we can be, and allows us to remain in the very centre of His specific blessings for our lives. Whether in our work, or our family life, or even our ministry, walking outside His commandments always leads to a poorer result, even if we can’t see it immediately. And to prove it, every committed Christian will be able to share many personal experiences about how obedience leads to blessing – sometimes unexpected, sometimes delayed – but always blessing. That’s just the kind of awesome God we have.
Let’s suppose you’re not a Christian, and don’t believe that obedience and faithfulness leads to blessing. Even so, I think most people believe in their hearts that the commitment that comes from marriage is a good thing. Otherwise why would non-Christians marry at all? Without the commitment of marriage, a simple quarrel could result in a couple breaking off. Without the commitment of marriage, children could easily end up without a mom or dad overnight. But with a committed marriage as a baseline, you can hold on to your promise to each other and to your children. You have someone you can always trust, confide in and have your back. Your children can always trust that they have a united Mom and Dad behind them. That’s priceless.
And with all the troubles of work and life in general, is there really a need to mess things up further in our homes, not only for ourselves but also for our children? There’s a deep peace that comes with unshakeable commitment. If we decide that our spouse is the one and always will be, then there’s no “buyer’s remorse”, there’s no envy, and there’s no double-mindedness. Getting it straight in our heads that once we make up our minds about our spouses, there’s no choice – she is THE ONE – is a source of great serenity. Sometimes the more choices we give ourselves, the bigger our headaches get.
The then-Newsweek and current Washington Post columnist Robert J Samuelson once wrote an article, quoting a psychologist Barry Schwartz "Our individual culture worships choice, but too much of it leads to choice congestion. Consumer Reports now "offers comparisons among 220 new car models, 250 breakfast cereals, 400 VCRs, 40 household soaps, 500 health insurance policies, 350 mutual funds, and even 35 showerheads... People feel overwhelmed by the time it takes to make the "best" choice--and may later regret having made the wrong choice. Purchasing blunders may irritate, but bigger mistakes of choice (in careers, work vs. family) can be profoundly depressing". So don't mess up your life with more choices than you need.
People tend to look at marriage as between husband and wife. It’s easy to forget that it’s much more than that. A committed marriage is also the basis for parenthood, and the intrinsic rights of a child to have a loving mother and father, who they can trust to be there for them for as long as their parents live, and with the unique bonds and experiences that just wouldn’t be possible in the absence of either. So think about that the next time you think there's a choice to be made about your marriage. There is. You already made it. Now stick to it. You'll be a happier, more peaceful and better person for it, and so will all your loved ones.
Today, the institution of marriage as the committed union of one man and one woman, and the foundation for the family - father, mother and children - is under attack by popular culture, to the unhappy detriment of everyone. Let’s stand up for ourselves, for our children and our children’s children. Let’s start with ourselves, and then also encourage our friends and family - “One Man, One Woman, For Life!”
As we head into Mother’s Day weekend, I’m reminded to be grateful for my amazing wife. I’ve often been asked by younger friends or colleagues, how do you know when it’s the right person? Whatever love songs may say (Christina Perri’s A Thousand Years comes to mind!) the only honest answer is that no one can be sure. But what everyone certainly can do, is to make up our mind that it is the right person. That’s the whole point of marriage. It’s saying that no matter what, even if I can’t know for sure that you are the right person, even if I get upset in future that you don’t seem to be the right person, even if you never ever change the habits I don’t like now and the habits I haven’t even found out about, I’ve positively decided that you are in fact the right person, and always will be.
The man who can say this to his girl – you are the one and always will be - is a guy with real courage, a real man. He’s giving a blank cheque. So the question “am I ready?” really means “am I a real man?”. And the question “am I a real man?” can be answered by “do you want to be?”. Because literally everyone can do it, just like anyone can step off a diving board. It’s not a question of ability or circumstance. It simply boils down to daring to make a promise you’ll keep.
But why would anyone even want to dare to issue this commitment? For Christians, it’s a moral obligation, but much more than that, we believe that keeping promises and walking in obedience to God is always the best place we can be, and allows us to remain in the very centre of His specific blessings for our lives. Whether in our work, or our family life, or even our ministry, walking outside His commandments always leads to a poorer result, even if we can’t see it immediately. And to prove it, every committed Christian will be able to share many personal experiences about how obedience leads to blessing – sometimes unexpected, sometimes delayed – but always blessing. That’s just the kind of awesome God we have.
Let’s suppose you’re not a Christian, and don’t believe that obedience and faithfulness leads to blessing. Even so, I think most people believe in their hearts that the commitment that comes from marriage is a good thing. Otherwise why would non-Christians marry at all? Without the commitment of marriage, a simple quarrel could result in a couple breaking off. Without the commitment of marriage, children could easily end up without a mom or dad overnight. But with a committed marriage as a baseline, you can hold on to your promise to each other and to your children. You have someone you can always trust, confide in and have your back. Your children can always trust that they have a united Mom and Dad behind them. That’s priceless.
And with all the troubles of work and life in general, is there really a need to mess things up further in our homes, not only for ourselves but also for our children? There’s a deep peace that comes with unshakeable commitment. If we decide that our spouse is the one and always will be, then there’s no “buyer’s remorse”, there’s no envy, and there’s no double-mindedness. Getting it straight in our heads that once we make up our minds about our spouses, there’s no choice – she is THE ONE – is a source of great serenity. Sometimes the more choices we give ourselves, the bigger our headaches get.
The then-Newsweek and current Washington Post columnist Robert J Samuelson once wrote an article, quoting a psychologist Barry Schwartz "Our individual culture worships choice, but too much of it leads to choice congestion. Consumer Reports now "offers comparisons among 220 new car models, 250 breakfast cereals, 400 VCRs, 40 household soaps, 500 health insurance policies, 350 mutual funds, and even 35 showerheads... People feel overwhelmed by the time it takes to make the "best" choice--and may later regret having made the wrong choice. Purchasing blunders may irritate, but bigger mistakes of choice (in careers, work vs. family) can be profoundly depressing". So don't mess up your life with more choices than you need.
People tend to look at marriage as between husband and wife. It’s easy to forget that it’s much more than that. A committed marriage is also the basis for parenthood, and the intrinsic rights of a child to have a loving mother and father, who they can trust to be there for them for as long as their parents live, and with the unique bonds and experiences that just wouldn’t be possible in the absence of either. So think about that the next time you think there's a choice to be made about your marriage. There is. You already made it. Now stick to it. You'll be a happier, more peaceful and better person for it, and so will all your loved ones.
Today, the institution of marriage as the committed union of one man and one woman, and the foundation for the family - father, mother and children - is under attack by popular culture, to the unhappy detriment of everyone. Let’s stand up for ourselves, for our children and our children’s children. Let’s start with ourselves, and then also encourage our friends and family - “One Man, One Woman, For Life!”
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