Impressions from Ho Chi Minh


Just came back from 3 day trip to Ho Chi Minh. Impressions:

a. Always take a pedicab, if only to see what it's like to have multiple near death experiences. I've been on the Bangkok tuktuk but the Vietnamese pedicab takes the cake. You HAVE to try it. Absolutely thrilling, and having just gone to the Gold Coast last month, I must say it beats "Batman - the Ride" hands down. These are the 5 laws of traffic:
  • The first law appears to be "Avoid ever coming to a halt, regardless of traffic lights, pedestrians, cars, oncoming monster trucks and "One Way" signs".

  • The second law is "never give way unless grievous bodily harm is threatened, and even then, make the other guy give way."

  • The third law is "Wantonly horn at everyone in your way, and if no one is there, horn anyway to keep up appearances".

  • The fourth law is "Ignore anyone who horns at you and blithely continue riding your bike in the middle of the road going the wrong way."

  • The fifth law is "If you close your eyes and raise your hand apologetically, no one will hit you".
b. Never take a pedicab, because the pre-agreed price will change from 150,000 dong to 400,000 dong by the end of the journey, and the driver will threaten you if you deign to be cheated of only 300,000 dong. I know there's inflation, but 150% inflation in 1 hour is ridiculous. For the record, I had a 20 minute shouting match before giving up and walking off with the guy still shouting in my face and actually physically trying to restrain me. Scary.

c. Always ensure you have enough money to be pay for the same thing at least 3 times over. In my case, seats for the children on an excursion:
  • Step 1: When you first book the excursion on the day before, you will be charged 3x the actual price for a "family package".

  • Step 2: at 9 pm when it's too late to find any alternatives for the next day, receive a call to pay an additional 25% surcharge for the privilege of bringing along the kids for the "family package".

  • Step 3: the next day, be informed that the "family package" with the "children surcharge" actually doesn't get you any seats for the children on the bus which is packed to the gills.

  • Steps 4: shout at the guide ineffectually

  • Step 5: squash with your children into 2 seats for the 3 hour bus ride

  • Step 6: quarrel with the middle aged Singaporean man who wants your seat near the front of the bus because his young female Vietnamese "friend" is allegedly not feeling well from the bus' rocking motion

  • Step 7: spend the rest of the journey thinking of all the smart aleck answers you would have given your ornery countryman if only you knew how to convert the answers into Mandarin fast enough.
d. Vietnamese food is quite nice. Try it. Really. I like "pho".

e. Don't bother bringing dong, the current effect of inflation means it's near impossible to figure out how much it's actually worth. The gyrations of the USD appear to be more manageable.

f. The Cu Chi tunnels are quite interesting, apart from the part when the communist video starts singing the praises of the schoolgirl hero who is commended as the "American killer". A bit like Kill Bill, except sadder. I can understand the anti-American sentiment - I mean, much of the American public didn't want to be there either, but perhaps someone should mention to the Cu Chi administration that in most parts of the world child soldiers are not exactly something to trumpet about.

g. Somebody shoot the slimeballs who come into the country to chat up the local girls. We had the unfortunate experience over lunch, of having to sit beside this middle aged American guy who was chatting up a pretty Vietnamese girl, and asking her how SCHOOL was, and that the LAST time he met her (like when? In primary school?!) she appeared sad, but now she had a "sparkle in her eye". Uuuuurrrgggggghhhh!!!! Pleez, not when I'm trying to eat!!

h. An interesting country which I think is going through some growing pains. I do hope they succeed, if only so that I never have to see leering foreigners salivating over underage girls again!

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