I need to ask my wife first

The other day, a friend asked me if I would like to join him to do something, and my immediate response was what I have heard many of my friends say: "ah ha ha I need to ask my wife first!" 

How many times have you heard guys joke that they have to check with their wives before they do something? Quite often, if your experience is anything like mine!

But even as the words came out of my mouth, I realised, hey I actually do need to ask my wife first. Not because she'll scold me if I don't, but because I actually genuinely value her view. I have a wise wife. She is sensible. She remembers things that I forget. She thinks about things in a way that gives me a different perspective. 

This latter point is especially important for me. My whole family knows this: Daddy (me) is good at thinking fast and visualising clear paths to the objective. I'm not necessarily fixated on a step by step path, and I like to think I'm pretty good at connecting the dots of incomplete pictures, such that I can skip and fast forward on instinct.

When I see a locked door in my path, I look for the key. Or I walk to the side and open a window to climb into the same room. I might even take the stairs up and around to get to the back door. I'll figure out how to go through, aside, or up and around.

But my wife has a superpower. Sometimes she isn't as quick as me. I don't know how to precisely describe it, other than, she instinctively thinks **diagonally**. She calls the guy who's in the room on the other side to open the door for her. Or she asks herself, what is behind the door that I actually want? Then she'll go to the store and buy it instead.

Sometimes there is no guy to open the door from the other side. Sometimes you can't buy the thing in the store. In those cases, it's down to me to work out the quickest, most effective way to get into the room. Other times, there is no key, no open window, and no back door. In those cases, my wife's peculiar (to me) diagonal thinking gets it done.

The oddest thing is this. My wife has a diametrically opposite view of our skills. She thinks *she* is the one who is really good at routine and working things out systematically, while *I* am the curious, imagining-new-ideas-and-winging-it person. Weird. 

Here's one thing that's true though.

My wife does a lot of things so that I can be the curious, imagining-new-ideas-and-winging-it person that she thinks I am. 

She's no great cook, but she always makes arrangements so that everyone has food. She doesn't like to make big speeches, but she talks to people individually to encourage and love them. She takes charge of all our bank accounts, credit cards and insurance, and arranges for all the payments to be made. She tracks all our birthdays, special days, and appointments with doctors and dentists and more. And a million other things!

So, I always have space to come up with my so-called big ideas. She often says that I'm the one who hauls her along for all our adventures, whether it's leading our cell family, our bread distribution work in Marine Terrace, the school in Batam, or all the other bits and bobs. 

But of course the truth is that none of these adventures could have happened without her enabling all of it in the background. She doesn't merely tag along on our adventures. She doesn't just sit in the corner, smile and tolerate the adventures.

No. She actively pushes me to dream big. She diligently clears the clutter so that it all seems do-able. When I feel lazy, tired or discouraged, she tells me to get up and go (see the Merlion's adventure here for a great example). She is not just a sponsor, not just a participant, not just a supporter. She is a *partner* in serving the Lord.

But the most important thing that my wife does for me is that she always believes in me. She thinks the best of me. 

She knows I'm often not the smartest. But she looks past that, focuses on the times when I am actually smart, and believes I can be that again. 

She knows I often fall short as a parent. But she looks past that, focuses on when I actually am a great dad, and believes I can be that again.

She knows I'm often not a natural leader. But she looks past that, reminds me of the situations when I lead well, and believes I can be that again.

Doesn't mean she doesn't call me out when I fall short. She does. And that's important. But she somehow has a knack of calling me out in a way that implies that failure is not my default position. She doesn't say "you're always like that". She says "you fell short this time".

And even better, even when there is no evidence that I can be something good, she believes. She actually believes in me. Perhaps more accurately, she believes that the God who is able, can make me able too. And wow that really makes me feel ten feet tall, even when I've fallen down.

So, thank you, my wise, encouraging partner and wife. 

A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

Proverbs 31

This is the sort of thing to write when we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary later this year. But you know, when you already have something so good in hand, why wait? :)

I actually wrote this entry last week but didn't publish it because I just felt a prompting not to do it yet. I didn't remember that my wife and I both signed up for a marriage re-dedication this weekend. And one of the assignments was to write a love letter. Happily, it appears I've already done it. So I guess this will do :D