Reflections on mentoring / Epic!
I volunteer as a mentor for some programmes, and for a few people who approach me on a 1-1 basis. It's one of the more rewarding things I do in my life. For the avoidance of doubt though, mentoring doesn't mean I've got it all together, and doesn't involve dumping my so-called wisdom and experience onto others.
It's often true that I have some useful experience or understanding to share with these younger friends. But most times, my life context is just not the same as those of my friends. It's common for older folks to say, "in my time, we had it tougher! We worked harder! We know what it takes!" But I've found that my younger friends often have better skills and insight than I did at their age, and different, possibly even more complex challenges that I didn't face.
It would be supremely arrogant to think that I know the way for them. So really, it works best when I just ask lots of open ended questions, and we figure out together what is needed, where we want to go, and what life choices need to be made.
Even if I do know the way, I've found that when I am too overt in saying "Go here! Do that! Trust me!", it's harder to get buy-in. Most people, including myself, are best persuaded by ourselves, rather than others.
There's no real internalisation when a so-called "mentor" starts by coming up with the conclusion for us, and then just tells us to do it. Something much more special happens when we come to our conclusions ourselves (with gentle guidance as needed), and then articulate our decisions out loud to someone, perhaps a mentor, who can hold us accountable.
The other thing that seems to work is role modelling. Not quite instructional role-modelling (Look at me! Do this!), though there is a place for that, but more often just living life in a way that naturally causes people to think - hey that looks like something I'd like to have.
I had a young friend ask me once, after a few meet-ups - you know, in our introductions, I remember you said you were a Christian, and how you try to let it drive every decision you make. You seem so at peace with the decisions you make. Can you tell me more about that?
I remember that, that very day, I had (ironically) little peace, having just had a feeling of being overwhelmed with busyness, and doubting if my mentoring activity was having any effect at all. So that was one of my really happy days in the end!
I recently had another young friend ask, you seem to have it all together. Career, family, ministry. What advice do you have so I can get there too? I was surprised! Because I certainly don't feel like I have it all together. On the contrary, things seem to constantly be on the knife edge of fragility!
This precariousness is not a bad thing. In fact, I often actively look for it. When I face challenges in ministry - when I am concerned if a cell has enough critical mass to keep going, or if there are some dynamics that threaten to detail it, or if our mission work is potentially facing extinction for one reason or other, or when we face natural or supernatural opposition... that's when I have to rely on God.
If things were all under control, if I was always swimming in water so shallow that I could stand up the moment I struggle... then there's no space for God to intervene and to show that it's all Him, and not me. But if I dive in deep water, He will do far mightier things than I could have. He will carry me and we will cross deep oceans where my feet can't touch the ground!
If my young friend is reading this, then I'd like you to know. I really don't have it all together. Anything people see from the outside is, first of all, often just a show. Few of us walk around advertising our struggles. Instead, we put up our best show (especially at work!).
Second, even if things are in fact great, it's just a snapshot. If a snapshot had been taken at some other time in the past, you'd have seen other things. Career roadblocks and mistakes. Parenting failures. Selfish husbanding. Apathetic or rebellious faith.
And what about the future? There, but for the grace of God, lie more pitfalls that I may foolishly leap into! Have mercy on me, my loving Shepherd!
What do I mean by that?
The Bible records the absolutely epic story of God's love for His chosen people.
"... You are a people holy to the LORD your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession." Deuteronomy 7:6
God called Abraham out of the land of Ur, to go to the promised land in Canaan. He promised that He would make Abraham's family a blessing to all nations (Genesis 12:1-3).
But along the way, unexpected detours happen. Abraham and Sarah don't have children for years, until they are very old - and mistakes are made along the way due to their impatience. Yet God is faithful and gives them Isaac.
Due to sibling rivalry, Jacob cheats his brother Esau and has to flee. Yet God is faithful and chooses to fulfil His promise through Jacob's family.
Due to parental favouritism, Joseph's brothers hate him and sell him into slavery. Yet God is faithful and raises up Joseph in Egypt to save his entire nation.
The whole people are later subject to slavery in Egypt. Yet God is faithful and sends Moses to rescue them out of Egypt, even while they grumble and sin all along the way.
The people finally cross into the promised land and face battle after battle. God remains faithful and keeps His promise, enabling them to defeat enemies far stronger and numerous than they are.
After they have received the promised land, the people fall away again and again, but God remains faithful and sends leaders to rescue the people from their oppressors. Again and again, the cycle repeats, through one leader and king after another.
Until finally God sends the once-and-for-all Saviour Jesus Christ. Not as another flawed military king, but as a gentle lamb, to pay for our sin, redeem us from its penalty, and through His resurrection, lead us to ultimate victory over death itself.
His love is capital letters EPIC.
Our lives are an epic too (albeit small letters epic). Snapshots along the way will show failures and victories (even if we try to sweep the failures under the carpet). Sad days and happy days. Days when things all seems to be going well, and other days when things are falling apart.
Even if things don't seem so great now, or if we're worried about the days to come, and whether our lives will ever turn out great some day... that's ok. I've seen Him move so many times in history. I've seen Him move so many times in the lives of friends, family and my own days. He is faithful.
Our lives are an epic of ups and downs. Thank God His love is EPIC-ally more than enough to see us through every single day. His promises never fail. And His love endures forever.
Amen!
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