How happiness happens (or doesn't happen)

There is a lot of suffering going on in the world even at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. The latest developments in the Ukraine-Russia conflict have prompted much public outcry, and messages of support from governments and individuals all over the world, even from thousands of kilometres away, including on social media. 

Sending the right message by what we say is important. But, let's face it, for 99.9% of us, it really is only talk. CS Lewis wrote satirically in "The Screwtape Letters" about a demon's observations of human nature, and how to best negate the usefulness of man:

"Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient's soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know."

How many of us are rude to our spouses, impatient with our children, scornful of our colleagues, callous to our next door neighbours, and then go on social media to bemoan the war and express support for Ukrainian refugees? 

Brutally honest, hand on heart, and hands up, me included, right now in fact. Screwtape is right on point! All of our supposed benevolence is thrust to the remote circumference, to people we don't know, in insipid posturing.

I recently read Max Lucado's How Happiness Happens. At the end of the book, he challenges the reader - over the next 40 days, make it your ambition to make 100 people happier. Encourage, inspire, share, give, pray. Doesn't have to be big things or grand gestures, but intentionally go out and make 100 people happier than they were before they encountered you. Journal your daily progress, and look back when you're done.

I decided to take up the challenge - I thought it would be difficult, but surely doable. Within a week, I realised that it was harder than I thought it would be. Even with neighbours, friends, colleagues and family members, I rapidly discovered that I am not even in regular or meaningful contact with 100 people! Fine, no one said I wasn't allowed make the same people happy multiple times - in fact, that makes sense, because consistency is such a crucial ingredient to love!

Well, I just finished my 40 days, and I only managed 67 instances! These include taking time out with family, friends and colleagues to spend 1-1 time over lunches, send gifts and treats, write encouraging notes, pray for needs, visit old folks in their rental homes, fix stuff for parents and in-laws, give rides to new friends visiting church... On some days, I grappled with, hey I did this for person X, I think that counts as making him or her happy. Then I catch myself - why am I even trying to bargain with myself? Every act has to deserve to count, or it simply doesn't.

It just made me think. Even with intentional effort, I only counted 67 real instances. Maybe I'm just a miserable Scrooge and the ordinary person would have no problem hitting 100 or even 200 instances. What about all the months and years past when I hadn't been trying to be so intentional? I like to think of myself as a nice person - I'm sure many of us like to think the same of ourselves. But the numbers speak for themselves. So exactly how nice have I actually been all this time? Not very, appears to be the answer. 

So I decided to restart my next 40 days, hoping this time I'll make it to 100 instances. And even if I don't make it, maybe I can turn this into a lifetime habit, to go about my life being much more intentional about making happiness happen for others. Today is day 3, and I hope to be able to make the cumulative number 12 today. 

It won't happen by accident. Making happiness happen requires intentionality. I have to wake up each day and think, how can I bless someone today? I have to plan a week, even two or three weeks in advance to setup lunches and catchups. I have to scroll through social media, emails and messages consciously, not merely reading news, but go beyond reflex stickers and emojis, to think about the actual person on the other side of the keyboard, and then reach out meaningfully, whether it's a short message or a face to face catchup.

On the other hand, it isn't meant to be hard either. It really doesn't have to be a big grand Instagrammable, "look at me I'm awesome" effort. As I'm often fond of quoting - Mother Teresa observed that "... we can do no great things. Only small things with great love." And we can all do small things.

So if you're reading this, and you'd like to help me out in my resolution, drop me a line and we can catch up. Hopefully, we can make each other that little bit happier, and not merely thrust all our supposed benevolence to the remote circumference, to people we don't know.

Let these small things multiply!

There is a boy here here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many? 
John 6:9

The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches. 
Matthew 13:31-32

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