So I recently sat on a panel for one of those industry conference things. These events are sometimes useful in prompting fresh thoughts, but more often, as a venue for meet-ups and catch-ups. To compensate for my being a non-natural networker, I try to maintain the discipline of turning up from time to time. About 10 minutes before we were slated to go on stage, the moderator gave the panelists a heads up that, before diving into the substantive topic at hand, he would break the ice by asking us to share something personal about ourselves.
The look of sudden panic on the panelists' faces was, at once, both funny and little bit sad. On one hand, these are experts who can ad lib without notes for a good hour on complex, diverse topics. On the other hand, these same articulate experts are all spooked for something, anything (!) to say about themselves as actual people.
I imagine it went something like "MiFID 2? Brexit? FATCA? FCPA? No problem. Oh, my personal life? ... what personal life?!" XD I emphathise - it's not always so easy to suddenly switch channels from "work mode" to "personal mode"!
I once heard someone explain that it's possible to go through life, surrounded by people, who are just... scenery to us. No different from a potted plant or screwdriver . Like - oh that's Peter the Potted Plant. I just sort of see him sitting in that cubicle over there when I come in the morning. I don't really know what he does. And that guy over there? That's Sam the Screwdriver. We call him when we need to fix some equipment or other. Definitely guilty of it myself, as I'm sure, many of us are :(
I wonder if sometimes we get so transactional about life that we ourselves become just one more cog in the machine. Ooh me, I'm the Toilet Plunger. They call me when things get um... messy XD Or maybe for those of us with a more grandiose view of ourselves, we're the Brain. We think we're the only ones doing any thinking around here :P
But we all know that we're more than that. There *must* be more than that. And there is. The only question is, are we prepared to live life being more than that?
I first started work as a pupil in a law firm. I didn't intend to stay long there, because I knew I wanted to join the government service. I told the managing partner in advance, and he was kind enough to understand, and still agree to take me on as a pupil. I will always remember that - he didn't see me as merely a Pupil. He saw me as a Person, with a life and dreams outside of being a mere tool.
Those were really long days - barely seeing daylight other than when we were dragging suitcases of documents between the office and the Supreme Court, staying late into the night ploughing through musty old books, and as with most pupils in those days, getting a lot of practice photocopying, binding and paginating :D
But I loved it. Being The Pupil was exciting work. Fighting a case was thrilling, even fun. As a lowly pupil, most of the work I was generating was probably useless to the partner, but hey, I was too clueless to know that, right?
It was only when I emerged from the dusty depths of the case that I looked up and realised that in the hectic midst of functioning as the Pupil, I seemed to have forgotten what the partner saw - that I was not just a Pupil, but a Person. And I remember resolving never to forget. In less than a year, I trimmed my sails, course corrected, and got married to the best girl ever. Just a year after that, I became a Dad for the first time, and then again 2 years later.
But it's not easy. The fact is that there is gratification in a job well done. Years later, I found myself doing well in a particular job. It was super satisfying, but once again, I was skipping meals, staying up into the wee hours, and sometimes just not being a very nice person, and often just not having enough time and energy for my family and church work. But I got promoted, I had a big title, and big responsibilities. I was a Very Important Toilet Plunger!
Changing course was very difficult, but I had done it before. I told my wife and some trusted friends - there must be more than this, so things are gonna change. And within a couple of months, I had left, to a place where I was a less important Toilet Plunger than before, but much more of a Person than I had been. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy solving difficult problems at work. I still pull long hours from time to time. I still check emails at odd hours. In this day and age, quality work very often demands that. But for the most part, I choose when I do that, and when something else is more important. Family, friends, neighbours. When I'm at my children's events; when I'm on my bread rounds; when I'm out with my wife, when I'm at church - sorry, unless it's life or death, I don't answer emails. And though I still fail, I try my best to allow my colleagues to enjoy that same freedom. Because they're not Tools. They're People too.
So when the moderator told us that day that he wanted us to share a personal story, I was quietly surprised, and filled with a profound sort of peaceful, joyful satisfaction in realising... I had so many stories to tell, of the love, and friendship, and courage I had encountered in the People that God had surrounded me with... I had to pick.
You know my many faults Lord. Thank You for looking past them. Thank You for reminding me that I'm not just a Tool, but a Person in Your eyes. And help me keep telling Your story to the People in my life!
Thank You Jesus - who am I, that You would care to know my name? Yet you do, not because of what I've done, but because of who You are. (Casting Crowns, 2004)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7
Comments