We've all read way too much about inheritances over the last month or two. As children, we have a responsibility to build on, and not tear down the legacy of our parents. But equally, as parents, we have a responsibility to train our children to do so. As an example, making multiple wills, depending on which kid we like more at a particular point of time, is Not A Good Idea. Why? Because it incentivizes our children to behave in such a way as to influence the will, believing that the will can in fact be changed at a whim. This in turn incentivizes children to compete with each other for affection for all the wrong reasons, and when competitive children are involved, this naturally leads to conflict.
Yet I also understand that as I get older, it's quite possible that I will get insecure, perhaps financially, when I no longer have an income, but more likely, emotionally, when my children have their own families and their world no longer orbits mine quite so closely. At that point, I would imagine that the temptation to buy my children's affection with inheritance is quite real. And so I have told my children, when your Daddy or Mummy get older and insecure and tell you that if you are nice to us, we will give you more, Don't Listen To Us! Listen to us
now, when our emotions are secure. Remind us when we act up, don't be stupid Daddy/Mummy. Do you want your legacy for us to be a competition for your affection? Conflict and estrangement after you're gone? No? Then leave the will alone! I hope I will be sensible enough to remember this logic then (this blog will probably help :D). But if not, that my children will ignore my nonsense then, and act sensibly themselves.
But don't get me wrong - while messing with inheritors' heads is unwise, inheritances
are important, and can have a generational impact. What kind of inheritance am I leaving for those who come after me? Who are my inheritors? And what am I doing to prepare them for the inheritance?
The most obvious type of inheritance is financial wealth. But, while the most obvious, I actually think this is also the most ephemeral type of inheritance. For reasons completely out of our control, financial wealth can disappear quite suddenly. Whereas the kind of person you are, your character, is a lot more stubborn, and tends to hang around for life. And whatever work we put into God's kingdom, well, that's even stickier, and lasts for eternity!
I recently asked my son at our regular family prayer time, how would you describe yourself? And (having played way too many RPGs!), he responded, Justice 50%, Determination 30%, Kindness 20%. He is a young man of principle, and is determined to stand up for the right thing even when all his friends oppose him. He's got knocked down many, many, many times, with schoolmates and with schoolwork, but he keeps getting back up and punching through. And when someone in the family is hurt, he's always the first on the scene for a hug.
I look at my daughter, and I see a very similar commitment to Justice - doing the right thing in the face of popular opinion, and a sense of outrage at those who get away with misbehaviour. Befriending the outcasts in Kindness, instead of joining in. Towering Determination, even ambition, to be the very best that she can be, in her schoolwork, her CCAs, and in her ministry, even when it's scary and intimidating.
If it seems like I'm boasting about my kids - well, let's be clear, my kids certainly aren't perfect. They're kids like any other. I've caught them lying about homework, criticized them for losing control over playtime, and counselled them about getting freaked out over small stuff. But in both of them, I see an inheritance that my wife and I, my kids' grandparents, and their church leaders have been building in them. I'm thankful for this inheritance that I know will last. And I pray that they will pass this on to their children and grandchildren.
And what about at work, and in the church? Who are my inheritors, what am I doing to prepare them, and what will I leave them? If I am the pastor of my workplace today, then who is the one who will come after me? How can I make him more successful than me? The day that I leave or retire, who will preach the Gospel in the office? If it's important for us to identify successors for leadership and management roles, then it must be important for me to identify successors for the Gospel too. So I need to do something about this! I must lead by example, I must impart, I must cajole and encourage.
And I must build up an inheritance that's worth passing on. No point identifying a successor, only to have rubbish to pass on. David Livingstone, the famous missionary, made this great statement of faith when he encountered what seemed to be enduring barrenness in his ministry in Africa:
Our work and its fruits are culminative; we work towards another state of things. Future missionaries will be rewarded by conversions for every sermon. We are their pioneers and helpers. Let them not forget the watchmen of the night - us, who worked when all was gloom, and no evidence of success in the way of conversion cheered our paths. They will doubtless have more light than we; but we serve our Master earnestly, and proclaim the same Gospel as they will do.
What David Livingstone is essentially saying is that the work he does is culminative, and built on by those who come after, and those who come after that, until one day, success comes to the generation of inheritors. Those who come after us stand on our shoulders. Our ceiling must be their floor, so that they can reach higher, and reap in joy what we have sown in tears.
I live today in a Singapore where the Constitution guarantees, in article 15, that every person has the right to profess and practise his religion and to propagate it. We gather in churches and in homes and celebrate Jesus without being arrested. We preach the good news and see salvations and transformed lives every week. Things weren't always like this. We are the inheritors of those who have beaten down the path before us with their blood and sweat and tears - missionaries who left homes and families to come to the swamps of Singapore and open schools and churches, and saw little in the way of success in their own lives. Yet today we benefit from the inheritance they slogged to build - so we dare not fail now!
I believe there is more to come! May I work hard to build an inheritance worth passing on. May my ceiling be my children's floor!
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