Friendship


Last Sunday's sermon was about friends. Oddly, I have just been to the company's crisis counselling course (for BCP purposes) which says that counsellors are not supposed to be friends, they are supposed to help you feel better. I suppose there's a place for both. Why? Because really good friends, like parents to their children, are supposed to render value judgments and solutions (which don't necessarily make you feel better). On the other hand, friends won't always be able to help or offer solutions, but in such cases, they're still there for us. The premium to be placed on the support and prayers of true friends is more than we realize.

How can we ourselves be a valuable friend to others? Here are 3 suggested elements:

(a) steadfast loyalty
(b) shared vision
(c) selfless giving

How is loyalty evinced between friends? Obviously, helping when in need - Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity". Also, protecting when attacked. When someone attacks a friend, we should rush to protect him. Whether or not the danger was his own fault in the first place, deal with the danger first, sort out the post-mortem later.

If you recall, I mentioned in an earlier message that one of the most important forms of protection is protection from a person's own foolishness. And I think most of us will agree that one of the best forms of help is honest correction. Proverbs 27:5-6 says "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses". At this point, it's usually a good idea to be reminded that we really love to criticize other people, so we need to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). It usually helps if you can speak from a position of authority too, so try to take the plank out from our own eyes first (Matt 7:4).

Personally, I find that encouragement is more effective when it comes from someone who has faced the same challenge and conquered it. So, when consoling someone who has lost a loved one, it usually helps if you can draw on your own experience. Carrying on about one's own wonderful family is seldom appreciated at that time. Similarly, when encouraging someone with financial problems, it seldom helps to crow about one's own financial success "because God has been so good", unless that success is the result of pulling through a difficult situation in the first place. Saying this sort of thing is only likely to make the hearer more upset that God doesn't seem to have been quite so good to him. But that doesn't mean that it's not possible to help someone through a unique situation. It just makes it a little harder to build that level of empathy.

OK, so now we've explored the issue of loyalty, in the context of helping and protecting our friends. What about the shared vision? Amos 3:3 says "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" This assumes we even have a vision in the first place. What is your vision for your Christian walk in the workplace? Don't have one? Why not? I strongly encourage everyone to have a vision of what they wish their Christian office life should be. Then find someone who is like-minded and walk with him. If not, the law of gravity, which even applies to our spiritual walk, dictates that we will find the lowest common denominator. Proverbs 13:20 says "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

Now that we've examined loyalty between friends and a shared vision and purpose, how do we act it out? Through giving of course. Sometimes, giving material help, although that can get complicated. In Hamlet, Shakespeare says "neither a borrower nor a lender be", so if someone needs money, better just give than lend. I do think there is such a thing as responsible giving though - except as an object lesson, you probably wouldn't give a 7 year old $50 to spend as she pleases on toys for example. But most of the time, what our friends really need is for us to give our effort and time. When's the last time you arranged to meet a church friend outside of church or prayer groups? When's the last time you had lunch with an old school friend or ex-colleague? When's the last time you came home early to bring your son out for dinner, just the two of you?

Right, that's an awful lot of talk about how to be a friend. But Jesus has a greater calling for us than being a friend. He instructs to be a disciplemaker, and friendship is one important element of disciplemaking. Disciplemaking is often directed vertically downwards. But I think there is certainly scope for horizontal discipleship and possibly even upward discipleship. Today, why not take time to examine your vision for the workplace, find like-minded friends to support you in that vision, and help, protect and give, to achieve that common goal.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Eccl 4:9-12

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