Amazing Race (1)
Hi friends
This is an email which I wrote to my brother, about my trip to Washington in August 2003. Found it when I was cleaning out my house. It is absolutely true and I still find it funny after all this time. Enjoy :)
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Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2003 11:37:44
Long story. Ever seen the Amazing Race? Felt like I was contestant. Plane arrived at LAX at 8.30 pm LA time after about 18 hours crossing the Pacific. Slept about 3-4 hours becos the rest of the time was occupied watching ‘X-men 2’ and ‘Shanghai Knights’ (former – great show. Latter – crap show) and constantly getting interrupted for meals at weird timings.
Anyway, took 1 ½ hrs to get thru Immigration (talk about inefficiency) and finally got out at 10 pm – give luggage to airport person to put on connecting flight to Washington. Stampede to gate for connecting flight, scheduled to leave at 10.30 pm. At 10.15 pm get to gate. Am told that I do not have boarding pass. Inexplicable since document in my hands says in big bold letters ‘BOARDING PASS’. Decline to argue with stupid looking person.
Rush back down to get boarding pass. Line up for 10 minutes. In the meantime, 2 other Singaporeans recognize me from the flight and tell me they are stuck too. I take over their stuff since they seem kinda lost. Meanwhile boss has gone in gate, as security for some reason accepts that his document is indeed a boarding pass (??!).
Get to head of line. 10.30 pm. Counter staff tells me plane has left even though monitor clearly says ‘NOW BOARDING’. Argue for 10 minutes.
Boss re-appears (!!). Says plane has really left and he didn’t get on either. Monitor still flashing ‘NOW BOARDING’.
Take over boss stuff too. Take 4 sets of passports and continue arguing with counter. Counter finally tells me they will put me on standby for 1240 am flight to St Louis and from there to Washington. Have no idea where St Louis is. For all I know they are just trying to ship the problem Chinese guy out of the state. Monitor finally says ‘DEPARTED’.
Go through security with standby tickets. Have to take off shoes and belt becos apparently Americans are now REALLY worried about explosive shoes.
Walk around like guy who has been robbed of shoes for a while. Fun.
Not.
1240 am. After agonizing wait attendant tells us we can’t get on plane to St Louis after all. Woman beside us is going hysterical, saying she only has 1 diaper left for her baby and she must get on plane. Attendant ignores her with practiced ease.
0100 am. Talk to another attendant who suggests we get 0730 plane to St Louis. For inexplicable reason she cannot give us tickets there and then. Tells us to come back at 0430 instead. Have been awake now for far too long, and it looks like it will be a lot longer.
Boss is claiming ‘this is the worst experience of my life’.
Take taxi out to 24 hr Denny’s nearby as security guards chase us out of airport. Not allowed to stay in airport as it is a ‘security risk’. All this is cruelly ironic since we are in US to attend meeting to discuss anti-terrorism measures (like… get the suspicious looking Chinese guys to take off their shoes and then pack them off to St Louis in their socks muahahaha).
Crowd meekly into Denny’s booth while hordes of idle American teenagers (who look like they really should be at home at 3 am in the morning) with boom boxes stalk around 4 chinese geeks (that’s us).
Boss is not impressed by Denny’s despite rather good buffalo wings. Mmmm!
3.45 am. Get airport hotel reception to call cab for us. Taxi says he will be there in 10 mins.
3.55 am no taxi
4.05 am no taxi
4.15 am no taxi. Boss is losing his marbles.
Walk back to airport hotel and ask where the heck is taxi. Taxi says he didn’t see us. Will turn around and be there in 10 mins.
4.25 am no taxi. Suspect taxi has engaged hoodlums to murder us and hoodlums are delayed in equally tardy taxi, hence, no taxi.
4.35 am Get taxi. But not the one we called (??!)
Race to airport. See 30 people in front of us in queue. Contemplate killing them so we can get on plane. Decide this is a Bad Idea, since they will probably bar us from the anti-terrorism meeting.
5.00 am. Get to head of queue. Counter staff tells us last night’s staff has screwed up computer system and there is nothing he can do. Counter actually patently does not know what he is talking about since he is fumbling with his keyboard and looking puzzled when he thinks we are not looking. Seriously re-consider murder plans.
After claiming there is no way he can get us a confirmed ticket even if we gave him a million dollars he produces 4 tickets that say ‘CONFIRMED’ in big bold letters. Decline to point this out to him and slip away quietly before he changes his mind. Perhaps my boss slipped him 2 million when I wasn't looking.
Run through gate. Have to take off shoes again. Boss and 2 other Singaporeans follow like 3 tired and bedraggled ducklings. Boss says this is the ‘worst experience of my life’ again.
I get through gate. 2 other Singaporeans get through. Boss doesn’t get through (!!). Attendant claims he is only on standby, even though his ticket says ‘CONFIRMED’.
Boss reiterates ‘worst experience’ slogan.
Decide to argue. Boss finally gets through becos some poor sod fails to turn up and he takes his place.
Get into plane for St Louis. Hope we will be able to get from St Louis to Washington. If not, we are doomed becos we have no idea where St Louis is.
0745 Escape from LA at last.
Get to St Louis. Could be in Timbuktoo for all I know. Thankfully confirmed tickets to Washington waiting for me. Curiously, boss and other Singaporeans on standby (!!!). Argue again. Get tickets. Feel as if I am getting the hang of this. By the end of the trip, I will have successfully harangued the entire US airport service.
Boss is (optimistically) starting to wonder where the heck our luggage is, now that it appears that we ourselves will finally actually get to Washington.
Get on plane from St Louis to Washington. Touch down 5.30 pm. 2 other Singaporeans very glad. Boss very grumpy.
Run to left baggage. Find baggage. Turns out baggage was far more enterprising than we were, since it got on the 1st plane we missed to St Louis (how did the luggage manage to get to St Louis and transfer itself to Washington without us being there?!) Boss finally looks pleased. Get to hotel. Collapse. End of amazing race.
Phew.
P/S W let me know if you want to buy anything ASAP.
cc. the rest of you. For your entertainment on what should be, comparatively, a less eventful day.
This is an email which I wrote to my brother, about my trip to Washington in August 2003. Found it when I was cleaning out my house. It is absolutely true and I still find it funny after all this time. Enjoy :)
=================
Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2003 11:37:44
Long story. Ever seen the Amazing Race? Felt like I was contestant. Plane arrived at LAX at 8.30 pm LA time after about 18 hours crossing the Pacific. Slept about 3-4 hours becos the rest of the time was occupied watching ‘X-men 2’ and ‘Shanghai Knights’ (former – great show. Latter – crap show) and constantly getting interrupted for meals at weird timings.
Anyway, took 1 ½ hrs to get thru Immigration (talk about inefficiency) and finally got out at 10 pm – give luggage to airport person to put on connecting flight to Washington. Stampede to gate for connecting flight, scheduled to leave at 10.30 pm. At 10.15 pm get to gate. Am told that I do not have boarding pass. Inexplicable since document in my hands says in big bold letters ‘BOARDING PASS’. Decline to argue with stupid looking person.
Rush back down to get boarding pass. Line up for 10 minutes. In the meantime, 2 other Singaporeans recognize me from the flight and tell me they are stuck too. I take over their stuff since they seem kinda lost. Meanwhile boss has gone in gate, as security for some reason accepts that his document is indeed a boarding pass (??!).
Get to head of line. 10.30 pm. Counter staff tells me plane has left even though monitor clearly says ‘NOW BOARDING’. Argue for 10 minutes.
Boss re-appears (!!). Says plane has really left and he didn’t get on either. Monitor still flashing ‘NOW BOARDING’.
Take over boss stuff too. Take 4 sets of passports and continue arguing with counter. Counter finally tells me they will put me on standby for 1240 am flight to St Louis and from there to Washington. Have no idea where St Louis is. For all I know they are just trying to ship the problem Chinese guy out of the state. Monitor finally says ‘DEPARTED’.
Go through security with standby tickets. Have to take off shoes and belt becos apparently Americans are now REALLY worried about explosive shoes.
Walk around like guy who has been robbed of shoes for a while. Fun.
Not.
1240 am. After agonizing wait attendant tells us we can’t get on plane to St Louis after all. Woman beside us is going hysterical, saying she only has 1 diaper left for her baby and she must get on plane. Attendant ignores her with practiced ease.
0100 am. Talk to another attendant who suggests we get 0730 plane to St Louis. For inexplicable reason she cannot give us tickets there and then. Tells us to come back at 0430 instead. Have been awake now for far too long, and it looks like it will be a lot longer.
Boss is claiming ‘this is the worst experience of my life’.
Take taxi out to 24 hr Denny’s nearby as security guards chase us out of airport. Not allowed to stay in airport as it is a ‘security risk’. All this is cruelly ironic since we are in US to attend meeting to discuss anti-terrorism measures (like… get the suspicious looking Chinese guys to take off their shoes and then pack them off to St Louis in their socks muahahaha).
Crowd meekly into Denny’s booth while hordes of idle American teenagers (who look like they really should be at home at 3 am in the morning) with boom boxes stalk around 4 chinese geeks (that’s us).
Boss is not impressed by Denny’s despite rather good buffalo wings. Mmmm!
3.45 am. Get airport hotel reception to call cab for us. Taxi says he will be there in 10 mins.
3.55 am no taxi
4.05 am no taxi
4.15 am no taxi. Boss is losing his marbles.
Walk back to airport hotel and ask where the heck is taxi. Taxi says he didn’t see us. Will turn around and be there in 10 mins.
4.25 am no taxi. Suspect taxi has engaged hoodlums to murder us and hoodlums are delayed in equally tardy taxi, hence, no taxi.
4.35 am Get taxi. But not the one we called (??!)
Race to airport. See 30 people in front of us in queue. Contemplate killing them so we can get on plane. Decide this is a Bad Idea, since they will probably bar us from the anti-terrorism meeting.
5.00 am. Get to head of queue. Counter staff tells us last night’s staff has screwed up computer system and there is nothing he can do. Counter actually patently does not know what he is talking about since he is fumbling with his keyboard and looking puzzled when he thinks we are not looking. Seriously re-consider murder plans.
After claiming there is no way he can get us a confirmed ticket even if we gave him a million dollars he produces 4 tickets that say ‘CONFIRMED’ in big bold letters. Decline to point this out to him and slip away quietly before he changes his mind. Perhaps my boss slipped him 2 million when I wasn't looking.
Run through gate. Have to take off shoes again. Boss and 2 other Singaporeans follow like 3 tired and bedraggled ducklings. Boss says this is the ‘worst experience of my life’ again.
I get through gate. 2 other Singaporeans get through. Boss doesn’t get through (!!). Attendant claims he is only on standby, even though his ticket says ‘CONFIRMED’.
Boss reiterates ‘worst experience’ slogan.
Decide to argue. Boss finally gets through becos some poor sod fails to turn up and he takes his place.
Get into plane for St Louis. Hope we will be able to get from St Louis to Washington. If not, we are doomed becos we have no idea where St Louis is.
0745 Escape from LA at last.
Get to St Louis. Could be in Timbuktoo for all I know. Thankfully confirmed tickets to Washington waiting for me. Curiously, boss and other Singaporeans on standby (!!!). Argue again. Get tickets. Feel as if I am getting the hang of this. By the end of the trip, I will have successfully harangued the entire US airport service.
Boss is (optimistically) starting to wonder where the heck our luggage is, now that it appears that we ourselves will finally actually get to Washington.
Get on plane from St Louis to Washington. Touch down 5.30 pm. 2 other Singaporeans very glad. Boss very grumpy.
Run to left baggage. Find baggage. Turns out baggage was far more enterprising than we were, since it got on the 1st plane we missed to St Louis (how did the luggage manage to get to St Louis and transfer itself to Washington without us being there?!) Boss finally looks pleased. Get to hotel. Collapse. End of amazing race.
Phew.
P/S W let me know if you want to buy anything ASAP.
cc. the rest of you. For your entertainment on what should be, comparatively, a less eventful day.
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