I'll look after you
Many years ago, when I was dating my wife, and into the early years after we were married, we used to bring my wife's grandparents to church each weekend. Because their hearing wasn't great, we used to sit right in the front row, so that they could hear the preacher clearly. The front row was also closest to the exit, so they wouldn't have to walk too far into the sanctuary.
My wife would also bring them out for regular outings, buy their favourite food for them, and often just sit and chat. She really loved her grandparents!
I'm really thankful for this, because I got to learn from her. That it wasn't about merely being nice on special occasions - it was about the often less-appreciated bits of everyday life.
My children have also learned from my wife. My family was discussing what we should do the weekend before my son returns to his university overseas in a couple of weeks, and it was just a given that we would be with my parents, so that they could spend time with their precious grandson before he goes off.
When discussing the alternative of a fancy dinner out or just an evening at their grandparents' home, my daughter added without hesitation that when she herself was studying overseas, she always preferred to hang around her grandparents at their home, rather than go out for a nice meal. Literally as I write this, I have just asked my son which he preferred, and he immediately said, "Mama's house" too :D
My wife's grandparents have long since passed away. So now she looks after her parents. It's not easy, with their various ailments. But she goes over to their place all the time, throwing out trash, replacing broken furniture, cleaning up after them, endlessly setting and re-setting the TV, filling their pill boxes, scattering mosquito lamps at the spots where they like to sit, buying their food, chopping it up into edible chunks, encouraging them to keep active and moving to the extent that they can, and just talking to them.
The Bible teaches in Ephesians 6:2, "'Honour your father and your mother' - which is the first commandment with a promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth".
This isn't an easy thing to do. And it is particularly challenging in an aging society, where there are fewer and fewer children to look after parents and grandparents. Caregiving is tough. It just is. It's the constant thought of, is there something else I can do? It's the weight of responsibility. It's the relentless over-and-over routine. And all this on top of her full-time job. But she just keeps going.
My kids step in to relieve her when they can. I try to spend time with her when she's over there, so that at least she isn't alone. I can't help with some things, but I know that my company matters to her (especially for those situations when some physical strength is simply essential). In the end though, a lot still rests on her. I'm so proud of her, and I will do better in supporting her to honour her parents, just as she has been absolutely invaluable in supporting me to honour my parents.
At this weekend's service, we were singing Phil Wickham's lovely song "Hymn of Heaven". One day, we will be reunited with our loved ones who have fallen asleep in Christ. In the midst of worship, my wife saw a vision of her grandparents. And God suddenly put in this thought in her heart towards her grandparents:
"Ah Ma, Ah Kong, you're not here with us on this side of heaven any more, but I will keep looking after your son like you would have wanted to."
When she shared this with me after worship ended, it really spoke to my heart.
At the end of service, I went as usual to pray for those who came forward for prayer. A young man told me that his grandmother had just passed away that weekend. She had lived a life of great faith and he asked for a prayer of thanksgiving for that, and that he would learn from her example. I was so touched that this young man would come forward just to remember his grandmother in this way.
After praying for him, I shared with him what my wife had just told me earlier in the service, about helping her late grandparents continue to look after their son. I suggested that one thing he might want to do to honour his grandmother right away was to do something nice for his father, especially at this time of bereavement; to show love and care for him in a way that his grandmother would have wanted to. It was a really warm moment for us all.
All of us are someone's son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter. If you've read this, and God is speaking to you through this about your own parents or grandparents, maybe we can just put down what we're doing, and plan something nice for them. Maybe a big surprise celebration. But probably much more importantly, a small but regular note, visit or hug. We can do this as an act of love for our parents themselves, or as an act of love for our grandparents, to help look after their children.
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