And now...Regularising good!
But we can do even more than normalise good. We can regularise it - by which I mean, do good with a certain frequency.
The best way to ensure frequency is to heed the call and meet needs as soon as we hear of it. This sounds simple, but is easier said than done.
"There is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient's soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know.
The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.
Provided that those neighbours he meets every day remain the objects of his hatred, while the people he does not know are objects of his benevolence, he will remain both a Pharisee and a fool."
In short, the most effective blunting of human compassion occurs thus: when we feel good about ourselves by expressing care for distant causes or abstract ideals - because this costs us nothing. In the meantime, we get irritated with our actual friends, colleagues and family, who we could actually do something for.
"I do get a sense sometimes now... and this is accelerated by social media, that the way of me making change is to be as judgmental as possible about other people... that's enough. If all you're doing is casting stones, you are probably not going to get that far."
The modern manifestation of caring for distant causes while ignoring nearby needs is the keyboard warrior: reading and reposting the news, expressing outrage and championing needs and causes in faraway places and for people we don't know.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with internet advocacy and coffeshop/cocktail party talk per se. But this sort of advocacy generally costs very little. As a result, there's a lot more internet advocacy about faraway issues than actual action on needs which we can actually meet here and now.
If we choose to regularise good and increase the frequency of doing good for those who are near to us, we reduce ineffectual noise, and increase actual effectiveness. That's why I'm so happy that I've found a group of friends who are committed to regularising good.
21! I could hardly believe it when my wife pointed it out to me. We started with broken windows and doors, classrooms with missing walls, and no toilets. Now we have 7 proper classrooms, a sick bay, assembly area, even wifi and a computer lab.
Far more importantly, we started out as mere foreign curiosities. Now, we are friends!
This only happened because we regularised our work here. It took us these 21 trips, plus many others who have joined us in this work, to get us this far.
Talking about helping wouldn't have done the job. Organising 1 trip wouldn't have done the job. Organising 3, 4 or 5 trips wouldn't have done the job. We needed to go, and then go, and go, and go, and go again. And again and again.
We started out bringing used English books. They seem like a great idea. It feels good to bring books. But it's not about what makes us feel good. It turns out that no one read the books, so that was a waste. What they actually needed at this point was textbooks in their own language, which they couldn't afford on their own. So we did that the next time.
We then applied the lesson we learned when someone offered to send used ladies shoes. It feels good giving away nice looking shoes. But we now knew enough to say no. No one is going to use them where they live. What they actually needed was sturdy school shoes for the kids. So we've done that now too.
I think you know where this is going. It was a cool idea to me. But it was still a bad idea! None of the villagers thought it was cool or important!
Much deeper connections happen when I speak to them in their language (even with mistakes), than when they hear me through a perfect robot voice. So, lesson learned. No more tech lessons, at least for the foreseeable future.
The point is that because we serve regularly, we look out for things that we're doing wrong, and figure out how to do them right the next time. In fact, a bunch of us met earlier this week to do just this - what are we doing wrong, and how can we do better?
I've taught myself basic Indonesian. But let's face it, I'm still talking like a slow kindergartener.
It is terrifying to sit in front of a bunch of students and give a welcome address, or pray for their parents as they have tears in their eyes, knowing very well that you are mangling the grammar, and woefully short of vocabulary.
But once I regularised it... hey, God knows their needs better than my stuttering words. So just bravely get out there and start talking.
This is not to say I've become a good person. I really mean it, and I can't emphasise this enough. I'm probably as queasy and spoilt and irritable as I ever was before. All I've done is regularise different behaviour. Anyone can do it. Really. You've heard of the phrase "fake it till you make it?" That's me.
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A few weeks ago, we were on a call with our son who is studying overseas. He shared that the verse of the day for him in his Bible app happened to be from Isaiah 61:1, in which it is said, "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners".
After he read it, he said went to his college canteen for lunch, and saw a friend who he knew was going through a messy relationship problem. He immediately concluded, hey look at my brokenhearted friend over there, today's Word is definitely for me to act on. I am to bind up the brokenhearted. So he went over to be a friend.
This is what regularising good looks like. We hear a message. We see a nearby need. We act on it straightaway. We learn from our mistakes. We know the need is still there. So we act on it again. And again. And again. And eventually, we get good at it. At some point, good becomes both regular and normal!
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