Words

I love words.  I studied the sciences all through secondary school and junior college, for the purely pragmatic reason that (at least to me) they were the "easiest" to study for, since each question tended to have a definitive answer.  But my favourite subject, from primary school onwards, had always been English, especially composition, and later on, the General Paper.  So when it came to selecting my course of study at university, I chose to read law.  I would have been quite happy with my second choice, which was communication studies, with a view to one day being a print journalist.  In a different world, perhaps I would be writing this blog, not for fun, but for work!

This week, I  heard this said, about words, by the 17th century scholar Robert Leighton:

"Good words do more than hard speeches, as the sunbeams, without any noise, will make the traveler cast off his cloak, which all the blustering winds could not do, but only make him bind it closer to him."

Beautiful.

It reminded me about what I find particularly satisfying about work in these recent years.  As a quiet boy when I was growing up, words generally meant quietly writing some essay with only my own thoughts as company.  But words mean rather different things to me today.

I've been having various conversations with colleagues lately, and sharing my thoughts on our team values, and the overriding purpose of making others succeed.  We aim to make our customers succeed.  If we are supervisors, we aim to make our people succeed.  If we are colleagues, we aim to make each other succeed.  And how to make others succeed?  Know what they care about.  Care about what they care about.  Work towards what they care about.  Be prepared to share blame and responsibility if things go wrong.  Don't snatch credit when things go right.

The Bible expresses this perfectly in Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."

But what do we do with colleagues who don't play by these rules?  Call down the wrath of God on them?  Rant in the break room to other colleagues?  Complain to their bosses?  Confront them?  If you are the boss, haul them in for a dressing down?  If you have a horrible colleague or boss, post on Facebook?

But Robert Leighton's got it right.  All the blustering winds of a hard speech, a scolding or confrontation will just make the other party wrap his defences tighter.  Good words, on the other hand, like sunbeams, without noise, will disarm him.

This is not to say that frank conversations should not happen.  When we care enough about someone, we correct that person.  This is why the people we scold the most are our children :D  The Bible says in Proverbs 27:6 "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."  But there's a reason why the Bible also instructs us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), not in anger!

The words we speak have power.  Power to build up, to encourage and strengthen.  We have the opportunity to speak such words to our colleagues and friends each day.  If you had told the quiet, introverted me 25 years ago that I would be taking time at work and on weekends to meet colleagues and friends just to hear what they care about, care about what they care about, and help them work towards what they care about, I would have shrunk back in horror.  But today, I think that's one of the most satisfying things I can do.  So, despite my personal discomfort (I still am, after all these years, who I am), I try to do it.

Two things remind me that good words matter.  About 10 years ago, I worked for the CEO as his staff assistant.  As you would expect, his calendar was packed from dawn to dusk.  But he always had slots just to "catch up" and talk to people - not just his direct reports, but people 2, 3 or even 4 levels down.  And he didn't even have an agenda for these catchups.  WHY?  I used to wonder, since so many people actually needed to see him urgently for specific decisions.  And I later realised - because time with people matters.  Words matter.  And if the CEO of the whole company makes time for this, then surely I can find time too.

The other thing is this - I run a cell group comprising my church friends.  Just because you're a Christian doesn't mean you have no problems.  In this world, we will have trouble (John 16:33).  But when we do have problems, we know that God, who is in control, will see us through.  In recent years, I have learned that I must take time out, one on one, to speak into the lives of my friends, and hear what they care about.  And though every molecule of my natural, quiet, awkward, introverted self rebels violently against this, I tell myself that I must do it.  Because words matter.  Time matters.  And the more I practise, the better I hope I get!

So dear reader, if I haven't caught up with you lately to share some good words, will you help me, and give me a call or drop me a line?  Let's spend a bit of time to enjoy the sunbeams!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bullying? Stand up!

Image
When I was a kid, I remember being bullied a fair bit.  I was small for my age, bespectacled, shy.    The teachers didn't help by putting a target on my back by making me Vice Head Prefect.  I would get my stuff just taken away from me by bigger kids, dragged out into the field to be tickled until I collapsed (much less fun than it sounds), and pushed into the storm drains.  Not all the kids were full-blown bullies of course.  But I remember some of them standing by, and politely holding my spectacles (so they wouldn't be broken) while the bullies did their work on me. Most of this stopped when I got to secondary school, where a much larger proportion of my fellow students were now just as nerdy!  And of course I grew up too.  I don't really look back on those days with any kind of animosity, because I think it never occurred to me that it was unusual.  But I do think my experience made me a bit more sympathetic about people around me who...
Read more

Life as a pie chart

Image
Someone told me recently about a "life exercise" in which one compiles all the stuff that makes up your life, and puts it in a pie chart.  So let's say for me, something like this. The idea is to visually demonstrate to myself that, in the event I lose one of these things, then I can see that, hey life is not so bad, that wasn't such a big deal.  Say for example, if I suffered a blown ACL, and couldn't run or play basketball any more, like this: At first blush - I'd say, hey, I still have my wife, children, parents, career, church life - so, chin up, things are not so bad.  Pretty good life visualisation tool to bring some optimism back into play! ... But what if, a month later, something happens at work, and boom, career gets sidetracked, I lose my job, or get put in cold storage somewhere, like this: Oops, now only half my life is left!  With only half of life's meaning left to me, what do I do? And what if something happens to...
Read more

Family AND Team

Image
I heard an interesting viewpoint this weekend. A family is not inherently a team. Hmm.  Sometimes at work, often in church, and most of the time at home, you hear people say to each other that we are family. And often, we really are. We care for each other above and beyond transactional matters.  It matters to me when my colleagues and cell group members (and of course my actual family members) go through illnesses or family issues or work challenges. I root for their success at presentations and projects and relationships. I care about what they care about, even if it has little direct impact on my own life. In a way, a family is sort of an amalgam of people who support each other in pursuit of each member's personal goals. For example, as a father, I support my children in their academic, career and ministry goals. But where they go to school, the grades they get, and the careers and ministries they build - they're really their goals, not mine.  Ditto for my role as a c...
Read more