Above all else

We just got back from our latest trip to Batam to see our friends last weekend. This is our 3rd visit since Covid restrictions were lifted sometime in the middle of this year, and my 6th visit overall, and each time I keep learning new things!  As I mentioned in my last blog, I write because it helps me to process my thoughts - so here we go! Relationships matter. And deep relationships can only be built if we care for individuals. Caring for individuals can only be effective with understanding. And understanding can only be grown with time. As I sat down for dinner with the village school teachers last weekend, I realised that for the first time, I remembered all their names without having to be reminded or re-introduced. I even noticed who was *missing*, which is always a good sign that you really remember people.  I remembered the teacher who had asked to be prayed for to conceive during our last trip, and she was now pregnant. I remembered the personality of the funny teac...

I sometimes tell myself, when difficult things need to be done - let's just do what we can. This works in the sense that, by definition, none of us can do more than our best.  So, do what we can. Those of us who are good at one thing, will do that thing to the utmost of our ability. Others will do other things to the utmost of their ability. But "let's just do what we can" can quite easily morph into, let's just do what we *feel* like doing. It's at this point that we often tell ourselves comfortingly about "self-care" first. Love yourself first, otherwise you can't love others.  But for the most part, this isn't really right.  If doctors and nurses had chosen to love themselves first, no one would have been manning the hospitals through the long days and nights, and through the various Covid waves.  No, they loved others first.  If our parents had chosen to love themselves first, far fewer of us would have had phlegm sucked out of our noses ...

I was walking back to the office after lunch the other day, and I caught myself thinking - what if?  What if I had never left my first job with the civil service? I remember I was balancing an offer to further my studies overseas (which would have meant staying with the civil service) against taking a job outside. I took the job. Could I have missed out on a better career staying where I was?  Later on, I was working in a bank, and had done well enough to get a nice promotion to a regional role. I remember I was balancing staying on with this nice title, versus going to my current employer in a smaller role. I took the smaller role. Could I have missed out on a better career by staying? Several years ago, I was sent to an overseas executive management course. For a couple of months, I was surrounded by CEOs and CEOs-to-be. The executive coach asked each of us in our individual coaching sessions - what next steps do you want to take, so you can be CEO? Now, I am humble and real...

Life is full of transitions, from one bank of a river to the other side. When we transition as 7-year-olds to schooling life. When we transition from schooling life to working life. From singlehood to married life and parenthood. From one job or even one country to another. When we transition from being a follower to a leader. And when we transition from one leader to another. Much as we may sometimes want, we can't stay still, or keep doing the same thing. This is certainly true at work. If, by the same time each year, we are doing exactly the same, and we are no more valuable to our employers or customers than we were last year, then we should logically expect (1) no increment, and (2) to soon be replaced by someone else who *has* used that year to grow. This is also true of our spiritual walk. In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30), the master of a household gave 1, 2 and 5 bags of gold respectively to 3 of his servants. The one with 5 bags multiplied it to 10. The one...

Every year, most of us go through a performance appraisal at work. We recount all the things we did great, and the things that were not so great. But that's just the lookback. Appraisal time is also about what comes next - what's our potential, and what self-improvement is needed to fulfil that potential.  At some point though, more and more of us will actually get closer and closer to that potential, especially as we get older. I am a firm believer in the growth mindset propounded by the psychologist Carol Dweck. But still, there are limits.  There are some jobs in my workplace that I am highly unlikely to be able to do well, just because I don't have the talent or time to put in the work to get good at them. I can be better than I am today, but I think it's also fair to assume that I will never be a NBA basketball player, mathematics professor or Chinese poet. Also, even if we think we can grow into various other roles, whether upwards or laterally, our bosses may not...