Hurts to pry your fingers open

As my kids go through the teenage years, it increasingly feels like the days of parenthood may soon start fading into the rear view mirror.  So it really made my day when, one evening, the older one asked, "Daddy can you tuck me in later?" and then separately, the younger one asked, "Is it conversation time yet?  Can we do it with the whole family?"

It's hard not to want to hold our children really tightly and not let go - they are so precious!  Yet one day, we'll have to.  One day (even though I constantly grumble about it now) I will no longer have to wake up the boy to go to school - I'll wake up and find he's gotten up, dressed and left for school.  Just like my daughter already does.  One day, I'll be standing in church next to my daughter, and the pastor will ask, "who gives this bride away?".  I presume that is the point at which I am supposed to burst into tears and yell "NOOOOOO".

But really, the day my kids become independent, and yes, get married and have their own families, is a happy day - in fact it is the day that we have all been working so hard towards.  Teaching them values, so that they can stand on their own, and find their path with God.  So the purpose of parenting is eventually to let go.

My little struggles with letting go as a parent pale in comparison to the news recently reported on Courageous Caitie, a 3-year-old Filipino girl who came to Singapore from treatment and passed away from childhood leukaemia.  On the Courageous Caitie facebook page, there is a picture of her wake, and her parents have captioned it "All these people came for you and heard about Jesus and you!  We are so proud of you!!!"  Tears well up in my eyes.  Oh, what a deep and secure anchor that Jesus provides, even amidst such pain, when we learn to let go, and let God!

A long time ago, Corrie ten Boom (who famously helped Jews hide from the Nazis as part of the Dutch underground and was later incarcerated with her whole family during WWII) said, "Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."  She was even able to say this of her own family, because her whole family trusted God's plan implicitly.  Just before her sister died in the concentration camp, she said to Corrie, "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still."  God is always in charge!  Corrie ten Boom was later released from prison due to a providential clerical error - and she explained "God does not have problems - only plans".

This principle of holding onto things lightly extends, of course, beyond family, to other (clearly) less important things.  I recently had dinner with a bunch of old colleagues, a number of whom have had the privilege of being exceedingly wealthy and influential.  You would think such people have their every material need met.  Yet almost all of the conversation circled around the topic of "how do I find peace?".  Quite evidently, wealth and influence do not bring peace.

In any event, success in the workplace is fleeting.  I have seen all manner of high-powered colleagues come and go.  You may think you are important.  But at some point, the office ceases to have need for you.  Before you know it, all your lunch appointments dry up.  No one remembers you.  The world turns, the sun rises, and your workplace moves on.  So I remind myself - hold onto things lightly!

Holding onto things lightly even extends to my personal time and enjoyment.  I love playing computer games.  But as age starts to catch up a bit, I find I can no longer look at a screen full of wildly oscillating 3D images for very long - it gives me a blinding headache!  I love to play basketball - but stiffening joints and a once-broken ankle prevent me from doing so any more.  More broadly, I am often tempted to conserve my own energy and time - life is so hectic, why not keep some in reserve?  Stay at home, sit with the kids or wife, watch TV, sleep.  So I am often tempted to guard my personal time jealously - especially after a tiring day!

But if I am supposed to hold onto everything lightly, then what do I do with my hands?  Just go  "OHMMMMmmm..."?  Nope.  Remember Corrie ten Boom's quote - Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.  Why would God want to pry my fingers open?  Just so that they can remain empty?  No.  So that He can put something better in it.

What is this better thing?  Why, God Himself and all of His overwhelming love of course.  I thank God for wonderful children, a meaningful career, and yes, time for recreation.  But, as hard as it is to digest, these wonderful things are all temporary.  So I am learning to hold onto them lightly.  In fact, I believe that I get to appreciate these things even more, because I am learning to hold onto them lightly.  When I rely on family, wealth, career or influence, or *anything* other than God, then that thing becomes my god.  And God, who loves me too much to leave me alone, teaches me how to let that thing go.

The Bible promises, "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you."  Matthew 6:33.  Have a restful and meaningful weekend seeking Him!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bullying? Stand up!

Image
When I was a kid, I remember being bullied a fair bit.  I was small for my age, bespectacled, shy.    The teachers didn't help by putting a target on my back by making me Vice Head Prefect.  I would get my stuff just taken away from me by bigger kids, dragged out into the field to be tickled until I collapsed (much less fun than it sounds), and pushed into the storm drains.  Not all the kids were full-blown bullies of course.  But I remember some of them standing by, and politely holding my spectacles (so they wouldn't be broken) while the bullies did their work on me. Most of this stopped when I got to secondary school, where a much larger proportion of my fellow students were now just as nerdy!  And of course I grew up too.  I don't really look back on those days with any kind of animosity, because I think it never occurred to me that it was unusual.  But I do think my experience made me a bit more sympathetic about people around me who...
Read more

Life as a pie chart

Image
Someone told me recently about a "life exercise" in which one compiles all the stuff that makes up your life, and puts it in a pie chart.  So let's say for me, something like this. The idea is to visually demonstrate to myself that, in the event I lose one of these things, then I can see that, hey life is not so bad, that wasn't such a big deal.  Say for example, if I suffered a blown ACL, and couldn't run or play basketball any more, like this: At first blush - I'd say, hey, I still have my wife, children, parents, career, church life - so, chin up, things are not so bad.  Pretty good life visualisation tool to bring some optimism back into play! ... But what if, a month later, something happens at work, and boom, career gets sidetracked, I lose my job, or get put in cold storage somewhere, like this: Oops, now only half my life is left!  With only half of life's meaning left to me, what do I do? And what if something happens to...
Read more

Family AND Team

Image
I heard an interesting viewpoint this weekend. A family is not inherently a team. Hmm.  Sometimes at work, often in church, and most of the time at home, you hear people say to each other that we are family. And often, we really are. We care for each other above and beyond transactional matters.  It matters to me when my colleagues and cell group members (and of course my actual family members) go through illnesses or family issues or work challenges. I root for their success at presentations and projects and relationships. I care about what they care about, even if it has little direct impact on my own life. In a way, a family is sort of an amalgam of people who support each other in pursuit of each member's personal goals. For example, as a father, I support my children in their academic, career and ministry goals. But where they go to school, the grades they get, and the careers and ministries they build - they're really their goals, not mine.  Ditto for my role as a c...
Read more